Linen Love

4 years ago today I married my best friend.  We’ve known each other for 5 years and 9 months and we met online via Match.Com. He really is perfect for me and me for him. We are connected by the thread known as silliness and lots of it. I’ve just returned home after spending two weeks visiting my parents with our baby boy without my husband. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Linen is a strong material and it’s this strength which is one of the aspects as to why linen is chosen for this particular wedding anniversary year. It’s a special anniversary this year as we celebrate it as parents for the first time and have accepted that our lives have changed forever with the never ending need for attention from our little one but we love it!.  We are mesmerised by our creation Jay Devan and watching him grow but boy does it take huge amounts of energy and we’re no spring chickens!

The most changed aspect of our lives is the aspect of time. The time available for eating, watching television, talking, couple intimacy (wink wink) and even bathroom time seems to have just disappeared.  I’ve left sleeping out of the list. Yes you read that right, amazingly our boy sleeps through the night and has been doing this since he was 8 weeks old, we have been incredibly lucky. Not so lucky with reflux though.

So I have realised the importance of having to do things a lot quicker than before. Running on empty is tough at times which got me thinking…

Switch the television off.  There is nothing wrong with TV viewing in fact it can help to unwind but I often have the TV on even when I have no intention of watching it. There was a period of 6 months in my life when I didn’t have a television set and I made the most of meeting up with friends and travelling and listening to the radio. I do have my favourite TV programmes and slightly addicted to the channel 5 afternoon daily films. I am going to attempt watching only what I would like to so as to not get drawn into something that will eat up the little discretionary time I have. 

Be selective about what outside commitments you make.  As our couple time is limited we have talked about how we’ve both been guilty in over committing and accepting invites but then struggling to stick to them.  Be willing to say no to friends, family, work events, and so forth.

Find some me time  It’s important to find ‘me’ time as well as couple time. I look forward to the moments I can paint my nails for example or go and have my eyebrows threaded before they start looking like barcodes. My ‘me time’ now involves blogging of course! but when Jay is having a kick about on his play mat I can check emails for instance or call a friend.  I enjoy taking walks with Jay in his pram especially when the sun is shining.

Learn to let things go and don’t expect perfection. I’m a Virgo and strive for perfection by nature. I love a clean tidy house and can get a bit OCD about it so having a baby has now meant I need to be a lot more flexible as I find my way through this new maze of responsibilities. I know that I am doing my very best for baby Jay and not worrying if everything on my list isn’t done by the end of the day. I want to try and avoid setting unrealistic expectations.

Talk to each other every day.  Communication is a two way street and I know it’s important to take time every day to check in with each other as well as listen.

Taking walks together.  We do this with Jay and sometimes without him when he is with the grandparents. A change of scenery is a must in my book. It gives us time to talk and laugh with one another while out and about. Heading out to Box Hill today and a pub lunch for our efforts.

Establish a support network.  Something I have been doing is accepting offers of help when they come through. I am trying to be as organised as I possibly can but there are days it gets tough and I wish there were extra pairs of hands around or a soundboard for advice. I have been incredibly lucky to have support from my in-laws who live a short way away.  My parents who live 140 miles away but I go and see them each month so that they can bond with their grandson and they adore him. I get a cheeky break too! I’m also very lucky to connect with lots of mummy twitter friends and hope to make many more.

Go out on Date mornings/afternoons/nights.  I read in one of our wedding cards that we should find time for each other; remember to kiss and hug every day and to hold hands wherever possible!. These little connection times can make all the difference in the world and a couple feel treasured by each other.

Calendar Sync up Before we became parents we would use Microsoft Outlook to organise us and send one another invites to make sure we blocked out time in our calendars for various events/appointments a bit too business like perhaps but it works for us. Now that I’m not in the office I do use my Iphone calendar to send invites to Mr M so that our schedules match and to prevent misunderstandings about what’s happening week to week. One of my favourite invites received earlier this year had the subject header ‘Name the Baby’!

Please let me know if you also have any other ideas!

Mark thank you for welcoming us on our return I am remembering who I married and why.