This Girl Can

I realise I haven’t written a personal post for a while so here I am giving a little life update because in the blogging world it’s good to be consistent and of course write from the heart about the things that matter to you. Writing as I’ve come to realise is not only an art form, it can also be a form of therapy. This blog has always been a creative outlet for expression. I have been inspired by three lovely friends of mine  to get tapping away at the keyboard. Vicki, Lucie and Jess.

Motherhood is a lot harder than I thought it would be I still haven’t worked out whether that’s because I am a little older or whether it’s just that I over complicate things. My life in the past 4 years has drastically changed and I am a resilient woman who has tackled a lot during this time.  I think more parents in particular are turning to blogging and video blogging (vlogging) as a way of connecting with like minded people record memories as well as share the good and the not so good.  This guy is the main reason I started writing my blog on the 5th July 2014.

I love having a YouTube channel to run alongside the writing although it is quite challenging managing both at times.  Yes it can seem like over sharing but in my opinion a great way to help others and inspire. Becoming a sponsored vlogger for Channel Mum continues to be one of my favourite things ever.

I genuinely work with a wonderful team and I can really appreciate the power of YouTube working to influence and entertain many people. My advice to anyone thinking about starting a channel is to “just start”.  If you’re not sure or don’t feel confident then you can always record videos on your phone use insta stories get used to filming yourself, little steps which might just be the start of something amazing in your life!

For those that already know me I am devoted to my family.  I have been a stay at home (working mum) for a few years and  Jay starts Reception Class at Primary school next week. I am already beginning to get the butterflies, you know this thing called separation anxiety, I have it really bad.  He is my shadow  pretty much always by my side and September heralds big changes for us all.

We have had a busy active summer and Jay starts school next week. Some of you may know how much we love going to National Trust locations I genuinely recommend becoming members, it almost forces you to head out and take notice of the many incredible places that you have on your doorstep. Also good for your mindset and we all know how important that is to maintain.

As I also approach my 42nd birthday very very soon, I am preparing for a lot of change at home. We have a house extension taking place now which is to go on for a few more weeks yet. My intuition tells me it’s going to be tough and I trust my intuition a lot. I might be a little quiet on social media while I get used to the dust around me.  I must keep thinking of the end result, a brand spanking new kitchen with a utility room, a study and a downstairs toilet.  See I don’t ask for much. Mark and I celebrated 8 years of marriage last month and totally forgot to write the cards we had bought for one another. That’s how busy things are.

Last May we went to the beautiful island of Menorca our very first holiday abroad other than the time we visited my brother in California.  Contrary to what I thought we did relax with a few tantrums thrown in which was expected. I came home wanting us to travel and experience more together.


I have absolutely no regrets in staying at home raising Jay, after all we waited so long to become parents this is definitely what I wanted. I  have the upmost respect for the women and men who go to work and use childcare. I know for some women this is their choice and for others it’s not how they would like things to be but have no choice. We all need to do what we need to do and there mustn’t be any shaming in that.

Jay attended the loveliest Pre-school locally and this has been a wonderful experience.  From the moment I held him to this very day I have flashbacks to milestones and accept that time appears to move very fast.  Motherhood was something I was frightened of to be honest and now I take it day by day, trying my best to enjoy the present which inevitably brings it’s highs and lows. Exhausting as it is, there is something so magical about it that I feel very grateful for even when he is making me answer 100 questions in 10 seconds.

He’s at a fun age when he wants to know so much. Our bright boy who is ready for the next chapter in his life  amazes us with his speech and observations and I can’t wait to see how school education will take it to another level. He is 4 years old and often acts like a teenager which is funny and scary at the same time.  His latest interest is learning the Highway code signs which he has been viewing on various youtube videos. I have been driving for just over 24 years now and he seems to know more signs than I do! I reckon he’ll be ready for his theory long before his 17th.

There has of course been heartache in my recurrent miscarriage which I have written about here.  I know we all experience some form of loss or grief at some point in our lives but it is devastating when the plan doesn’t go to plan. We also recognise how incredibly lucky we are to have our son here to love and nurture. I  accept that life is full of surprises and joy and pain all part of this existence here on Earth. I recently read that something won’t go away until it teaches us what it needs us to know. I view life very differently now because things can be taken away from you in an instant.   I believe in turning negative situations into positive ones somehow something good can come out of it.

Working on media campaigns for Tommy’s the Baby loss charity and helping a recurrent miscarriage study at St Mary’s hospital makes these loses bearable. I advocate for more research on this subject to help prevent loss and suffering to people.  Baby loss is one of life’s cruel events. Despite the emotional battlefield I enter from time to time I am choosing hope over darkness. Life though will never be the same.

Society now is much more open to people talking about mental health breaking down stigma and working through issues seeking help because its okay not to be okay.  A positive mindset is essential to moving forward but also working on the things we perhaps might not want to face. Despite my many losses I vowed I’d never let it take me into a place I could not get out of because I have a very special mummy role to fulfill. In fact I feel stronger than ever before in my intentions to work hard and enjoy the free golden 24 hours we are all given each day.  I am currently reading a fantastic ebook by Turia Pitt about mindset. I set aside 15 minutes a day and work through the book.  If you don’t know who Turia is please take a moment to read up about her story I can tell you it’s definitely influenced me and pretty sure it might just get you thinking about your own life.

Recurrent Miscarriage recovery meant that I took the decision to sort my head and body out and began personal training in March 2017 3 weeks after I had surgery following the loss of my sixth pregnancy. I just went straight into it to help me focus through what was a really hard time.  I totally surprised myself  by training hard each week for months. I saw results I felt better lost body fat in the areas I needed to, and it has done wonders for my mind. Then in November I stopped personal training which was a mistake as I noticed I wasn’t feeling as positive and motivated. I kickstarted my sessions with new personal trainers Jacob Paul (400M Hurdler) and James Daly . I have said this before but Personal training has been one of the best investments ever. I have noticed a huge change in my physical and mental health. I’m not going to say this will be the best thing for everyone but movement is vital for us to feel good. Walking is hands down my favourite exercise.  Jacob and James are brilliant people and I highly recommend them if you are seeking personal training.

Through my work on social media I have been fortunate to work with small and big brands and use Instagram daily as it’s also a source of inspiration to me. Ever since I started posting 4 years ago I’ve seen more and more people engage with me and it’s been really wonderful having this platform to share content.  I have received lots of kind comments over the years and have formed wonderful friendships which significantly out ways any negatives from people who have unkind vibes. For those of you who read my blog and instagram posts and take time out of their day to watch my videos I thank you.  I think back to the time when I started using social media mainly Facebook and I was 32 years old. These days it’s all very different. The younger generation are exposed to so much. I do realise I am starting to sound very old but I do worry about the pressure young people face theses days all due to social media.

When I stopped working full time at 35 weeks pregnant in 2014 I had no idea what would happen to my career. My first priority was always going to be Jay no matter what but I also knew how much I loved working and I genuinely still feel very lucky to have had the oportunities that I have had since I became a parent. I will be focusing on my YouTube channel and business more once Jay starts school and be around to make sure I drop him off to school and pick him up after school.

I  started an online beauty business in April with an American Company as a distributor for their products and it’s been an exciting venture as I have an interest in beauty and helping others while at the same time learning and making income from home. I do have a Facebook group Belle de Beauté if you ever want to stop by to browse my posts and please feel free to contact me if there is anything I can help you with.  I hope to build this business and help others build a business from home to work around existing commitments, so please do send me an email if you’d like to find out more.

Despite me wanting time and financial freedom. Ultimately health and my family’s health is paramount. I am currently in a good place working hard and celebrating achievements.  They are usually little milestones but that’s fine by me, I’m not in a race.  I am working on a law of attraction planner which is something I purchased after reading The Secret. For me a woman in my 40s self awareness and discovery is becoming a huge theme as well as waking up each day with a grateful heart.So that’s really where things are at the moment with me and mine. Thank you for your kind words and friendship and to everyone who engages with me on social media platforms I am truly grateful you take the time to do so.

It doesn’t go unnoticed.

Love and Light Always

Bella

~X~