Break Out Of Auto Pilot


It’s been a while since I posted on my blog and the saying ‘life gets in the way’ definitely has been the case as of late. I have a threenager on my hands who is both fun and not so fun in equal measures.  I’ve always been surprised at how quickly he started to talk and now he even talks back at me when things don’t go quite his way. *Sigh* .

I believe establishing routines early on in his life has helped us somewhat but parenting is still the hardest job ever in my opinion. Recently I reached a point where I felt that it was time to take the foot of the pedal when it came to my usual mummy routine and mix it up a bit.

It had been a particularly horrendous week of meltdowns in the last week of March. I don’t know why I ever thought that the terrible twos would stop on his 3rd birthday. On one occasion I had failed to bring out mini bread sticks in his favourite orange bowl and had  unintentionally let the said bread sticks mingle with other biscuits which I thought he would have appreciated. This resulted in an almighty ding dong which set the mood for the rest of the day.  We have of course like any other parent and child team experienced the public meltdowns too where I have wanted the ground to swallow me up whole. Like the time I had to abandon my full trolley in Tesco and head home with a screaming toddler. That was not a good day at all.

I remember catching a glimpse or reflection in the shop window and I looked dreadful.  As I sat in the car with my screaming toddler I remembered my long journey to motherhood and I got myself together and drove us both home.  These tantrums won’t last forever I do know that and I can’t be mad at a  little boy who is learning about the world around him. It’s “that age” people say to me “that age”.

Before I get criticised for criticising my only son I will say that I knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park raising a child. I do believe some children are easier than others but then everyone has their good and bad days.  Many parenting books will tell you that toddlers love routines because the predictability of knowing what comes next makes them feel safe and secure.  Parents shouldn’t be judged for creating routines that are responsive to the individual temperament of their little human(s). Do what’s right for your own baby as there is no “one size fits all” solution when it comes to implementing a routine. I have mummy friends some very laid-back, and don’t enjoy the structure of a routine.

Three years on we have become some what relaxed lately when it comes to things like bath time for instance. I sometimes bath Jay in the morning and if necessary he will have a shower with me in the evening.  It’s working out perfectly fine and hasn’t upset his sleep pattern. We tend to wake around 7am each day and on the days when he is not at pre-school I am far more willing to let things go and  be flexible with the realisation that month to month toddlers needs and habits change.  Breaking out of daily routines requires reframing your thinking taking a different path, it doesn’t mean that you’ve fallen off the wagon.

I would personally prefer Jay not to be totally dependent on predictability that he’ll fall apart the minute something changes. I hope he will be resilient like his mother and goodness knows I am resilient.  I try to add variety to the day for instance eat a picnic lunch in the living room instead of at the kitchen table or head out for walks in the early evening around our neighbourhood.

So for now I’m waking up in the morning and free-styling my day with my buddy which in turn may raise a few eyebrows but I’m okay with that. I dedicate most of my time and energy to Jay. With all my pregnancy losses I am reminded how precious our bond is.  The time I want to spend with my child is important when he is happy so am I. There have been times when this incredibly house fussy Virgo has left her many house chores so that we can sit and play with his favourite sticker books and magazines. Just because he wants me to there and then in that moment.

I loved a recent campaign that I worked on with Marks & Spencer for Make It Matter Day 1st June encouraging people to step out of their usual routine and do something different.  As I use Instagram a lot it was an opportunity for me to show my thoughts and it has been a welcome eye opener for me.  I guess it’s made me think some more about how we can all get comfortable and stuck in a rut  with the pressures of daily life.  Small changes often aren’t small at all. something like trying a new fruit or vegetable or buying a bunch of flowers for the kitchen window sill. Being in auto pilot mode isn’t that interesting and sometimes it’s good to shake things up a bit. Try it for a few days and see how you feel. To be honest I am just winging it, life,  motherhood, eye liner…everything.

The single most important roles in my life are that of being a wife and a mother. They take a lot of work, a lot of patience and strength to deal with the spinning plates and keep them all up. I keep telling myself “don’t fret Bella” parenting is a constantly evolving role. There are no perfect parents and no perfect children but there are plenty of perfect moments along the way.

If you’re a parent and reading this I’m hoping you can relate to this…

Thanks for reading

Bella

~X~